Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
