If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
