look no pants
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
