do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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