with your own penis?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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