i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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