she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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