I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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