yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
