your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
