Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
