he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
