Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
