this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
