I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm at about main and main street
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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