TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
