help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
