so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we made out on top of his cat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
