i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your penis caused this!
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