There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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