everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
