He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she peed on how many people?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
