Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
