Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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