Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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