haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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