I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
