They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
false alarm. still invincible.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
