We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
