My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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