She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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