I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
