i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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