She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dignity is for republicans.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
