I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
