So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
