Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
