Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
