Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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