An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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