I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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