Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
