It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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