so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
