Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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