I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
