I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
