"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
