does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
