I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
