He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
