You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
